004 UNSENT

Letters To Me, Before, Now and To Come


Letter IV. 

The Heavy Coat

 

I was thinking maybe I could just vanish and reset, ghosting the world to healin the shadows...


But the calls and emails keep drowning me in expectations that I am far too exhausted to meet. 


It feels impossible that a client’s mood should depend on me when I am still fighting to stay afloat. 


Yet my quietness is perceived as being “Too-Known” and my honesty is labeled as “Rude” until everything I do becomes a problem for people who only project their own insecurities onto my silence. 


I have decided to stop caring about their opinions, because I refuse to internalize their demeaning advice and second-guess my own abilities. 


So I wear this tactical apathy like a heavy coat that protects my heart even as the weight of it crushes my shoulders. 


I am watching that faint figure on the horizon finally start walking toward me to help me take this armor off.


I am hanging in there for that bittersweet moment when I can finally stop being what the world needs and just be who I am.

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